I WAS RAPED REPEATEDLY AS A VULNERABLE CHILD
Steffan Phiri wrote;
Parents and guardians create a safe and open environment for your children it’s easy for kids to open up even after being threatened by a sexual predator.
My father died when I was 2 and my mother remarried after a few years, I stayed with my mother and her husband for a few years but things didn’t work out I had to move in with my grandmother at a family house, story for another day.
Well at the family house we were a lot, my aunties and uncles, my older brother and my cousins we were like 12+ then on holidays we would be like over 15+ people at the family house. My grandmother couldn’t manage to have close relationships with all of us because we were many then unfortunately she died in 2006, then my unties and uncles took over leadership but they all had responsibilities to their biological children and the rest of us who didn’t stay with our parents had boundaries definitely you can’t say or do certain things even conversations were limited.
All I had was my older brother but we didn’t share a close relationship story for another day.
I was sexually abused not once not twice but so many times by older people and these were 4 people; 3 men and 1 woman. (I can’t mention names some were family members). And I believe I wasn’t the only one who was defiled during that period they were many of us but we didn’t have someone to tell others did speak out but they were not believed and called liars for opening up letting a sexual predator getting away with sexual abuse. (Typical African setups🚮)
My body wasn’t physically, mentally or emotionally ready sex at that time I was only 8 for crying out loud. At 8 I heard of sex I knew it existed but I didn’t know how it was done etc. I was a child and I wish my childhood was as innocent as any other childhood just a normal childhood was what I wanted, let me just be a child at least. But the odds were not on my side.
The first time was with a neighbor, he really showed me love and manipulated me in a way that I believed he would never hurt me and what he would do wouldn’t be wrong in anyway, well I was wrong! He sodomized me one evening I can never forget the pain I felt after that he would give me money, gifts, clothes and all to shut me up mind you this man was a family friend. I never wanted to see him but he made sure I go to his place in the name of wanting to send me to buy charcoal, cooking oil etc but once those errands were done he would sexually abuse me and give me gifts through my family members as blackmail, and one thing about sexual predators they know what to say and do to blackmail you in other cases they make you feel like it’s your fault or it’s a form of payment with what they have done or given you.
Suddenly he moved out and died a few months later that gave me closure and I was happy he died because should I be weeping like am the widow? No.
Time passed the marathon continued there was another guy, then another then the last one I was 14. So initially I started being sexually abused from as early as 8yrs old – 14yrs old.
The experience with the woman was another disgusting experience she put her things in my mouth and made me suck hairy slimy stuff hence I don’t appreciate oral sex I feel like drowning from that experience I vowed never to suck people’s genitals regardless of the personal hygiene or shapes and sizes.
I drowned inside I even felt heat inside the ditch .
And the funny thing is even if you don’t want any sexual activity to happen once someone touches you sexually the mind wouldn’t want but the body responds I don’t know if that makes sense.
I wish one day I could get past this and heal from all that experience and share my story without feeling how am feeling right now.
What I wanted to say was create an open space for your girl or boy child in your home, if that can be done we will reduce the number of sexual abuse especially for children and young men and women, listen to your children, pay attention to their behaviors especially when they’re extrovert and suddenly turn introvert.
Allow them to speak out, talk to them whenever you can and educate them enough to not let anyone touch their genitalia intentionally if one does so let them be able to inform you so that you know what measures to take be it warn the person who did so or take other measures.
#Nalesa💁♂️
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